Through the good, the bad, and the ugly
We're with you.
Through the good, the bad, and the ugly.
Anytime I am asked to be somebody's bridesmaid, I take time to consider the relationship I have with that person. If I commit to standing beside someone on their wedding day, I better be prepared to stand by their side throughout their actual marriage.
I just recently had the absolute honor of standing beside one of my best gals as she joined her love to become husband and wife. The day before the union we had the rehearsal dinner where there were heartfelt and hilarious speeches.
Something about me is that I tend to always go from 0-100 real quick. I don't really like the shallow end of life, I prefer to dive into the deep end. So naturally, when it was my turn, I dove in and spoke about the bride and groom and then said something that I think might have caught them by surprise.
When celebrating a couple, most people focus on the good and beautiful thing that is happening right in front of them. Which I did, but I also snuck a line in that went a little like this- I'm committed to being there for you on the good days, the celebrations to come, and babies to be born. And, just as much so, I am committed to you both on the bad days- the one's where you want to divorce each other and the one's where it's hard to even be near one another.
As I said it, I thought to myself, did I really just say that?! Did I just bring up DIVORCE at the rehearsal dinner for a wedding? I'll be honest, at first I felt a little ashamed, but I quickly realized why I said that.
Something I heard along the way was the almost golden rule of marriage being, “We never say the “D” word.” Almost as if simply saying that word would unleash a curse and cause chaos to ensue. So yeah, when I said it, I was flooded with omg I wonder what they or everyone else around me is thinking right now!
Que hand-in-hand and our heart for couples and young marriages.
Just as I've heard this “golden rule” along the way, I have seen multiple what looked like beautiful marriages suffer in silence and tragically end in a quick divorce. Only for me to be left wondering, “I wonder what would've happened if they felt safe enough with another couple to let them see everything - the good, the bad, and the ugly."
The reality is marriage is the joining of two humans coming together as one under the covenant of Christ. There will be trials and tribulations in life, we are guaranteed that. It may be infertility struggles, financial hardships, unhealthy habits, or exposed traumas that come to the surface, but unfortunately (unfortunately being an understatement) it might be something that is more serious like infidelity or abuse that raises a flag for a conversation about your options of how to move forward with your relationship.
At the end of the day I wanted my precious friends to know that Jacoby and I are committed to them - no matter what.
Throughout life as an individual and life as a married couple there will be things that come up that require vulnerability, transparency, and leaning into others and God to help heal along the way- whether that be something minor or something that really does require a conversation about divorce. There are very few things I can imagine that would be worse than already going through the hardest battle that could be thrown at a marriage, only to be alone in it.
I have been listening to a podcast about a family who was affected by an affair and their healing journey since then. One of the things that has broken my heart the most is hearing how not only did the person who cheated, but the wife and the kids of the family affected were left in the dust by so many who claimed to be friends like family.
Hearing the stories of their children being so hurt when they needed their aunties and uncles the most, and yet very few had their back. Hearing about how the wife was left utterly alone because of something that she had no control over. At the end of the day everyone can have their opinions on this circumstance, but what it highlighted to me the most is that I want to be the kind of person that available and willing to be in the middle of someone's mess. I want my people to know that they can count on me being beside them - through thick and thin.
When they need a safe place to share the innermost struggles all the way to when they need a prayer warrior to believe for healing and healthy reports. I want to celebrate the massive milestones of when people hit big number anniversaries and I want to celebrate when a couple we are walking hand-in-hand with finally figure out what works for them in their sex life. I want to create a space where you and your spouse feel like you truly can be fully known and fully loved, just as you are, no strings attached.
So yeah, at the end of the day, for better or for worse-
We’re With You,
Jacoby + Vic