My biggest regret

in how we prepared for marriage

I’m pretty vulnerable when it comes to most things, but what I am sharing today is something I haven’t publicly talked about much. It really is one of my biggest regrets because it set a pattern into motion throughout our marriage. The good news is, it’s never too late to correct patterns and set new habits into motion.

Without further ado, my biggest regret in preparing for marriage was not inviting others to speak into us. Jacoby and I were only 19 years old when we got engaged and to be completely honest, I was so afraid that if we asked for wisdom from someone ahead of us, we would be met a big fat “you shouldn’t get married.”

And to be even more transparent, I knew myself and I knew that if someone were to have told me that, I would not have listened. Which then would’ve sent me into a spiral of disappointing someone and always wondering if they would eventually meet me with an “I told you so,” later on in life.

~Let’s take a moment for my crazy enneagram 6 brain taking what could’ve been the most beneficial thing for our marriage and making it seem like the scariest and least desirable thing ever. ~ As I type these words I am flooded with a rush of embarrassment that I was too prideful and fearful to let people in, and I am even more confronted when I realize that pattern continued deeper into our marriage.

When we got married, by the grace of God, most things actually went really well. But as we continued in our marriage journey, we have come up against things that were real hurdles. And the danger came when we realized we had no one to help us walk through these things because we hadn’t invited wisdom into our marriage earlier in the game.

We have been married almost 7 years, and it took the first 5 years of it to realize that inviting someone into our vulnerabilities was only going to help us. Yes, it might confront the depths of our hearts, but it would be good.

Vulnerability comes with exposing parts of yourself and your story that you may not like. But like I’ve said before, vulnerability breeds vulnerability. And most times, when you expose a piece of you, the receiving person will likely say, “Oh, I’ve been there,” or “I’m so sorry,” or “I know someone who’s struggled with this… Do you mind if I connect you?”

If you aren’t met with compassion, I have noticed that a tactic of the enemy is to make you feel even more isolated. So in the event where you choose vulnerability, and the person you thought would supply wisdom does not, understand that the devil would LOVE to keep you feeling small and like you’re alone in this problem. I encourage you to push back into the devil’s face and choose bravery again.

Choosing vulnerability with the right people, at the right time will allow you to walk in freedom. You can’t walk in freedom when you are living hidden, but partnering with GOD and trusted people to get through your pain points will only help you live with more confidence, more joy, and more freedom.

We are called to live in community. We are called to live in the light. It is not good for us to be alone. We can make the jump and ask for people to partner with us in our marriages. It can feel nerve wrecking, but it is so worth it to have people who not only see you, but they KNOW you.

Through the good and bad - walking hand-in-hand with others is worth it.