Let me start by saying this. Every healthy relationship begins with yourself. Just like a building is bound to fall if its foundation isn’t strong enough, a relationship will wither if you don’t have a good relationship with yourself in the first place.
As you might already know, I’m not a “relationship expert” (air quotes) or a marriage counselor for that matter. But I do have a little bit of experience and an urge to share whatever I’ve learned over time. Also, I’m not charging you by the hour (wink wink). So yeah, grab your coffee, and let’s dive right into it.
When we talk about a relationship, we’re often talking about it in a romantic manner. And rightly so, given how much we spend our life with the people who are close to us, it is quite significant to look at it that way. But we’ve all been in the relationships that didn’t go like we wanted them to. Although you can’t change what happened, but you can tweak a few things to form better and healthier relationships in the future.
Love yourself first, and the rest will follow
You’ve heard it right. You can’t take care of someone else if you can’t even take care of yourself in the first place. Consider a sick mother lying in the hospital. Now tell me, what’s the probability of her taking care of her child in a better way than a healthy mother? Almost none, right? And that’s precisely how people who love themselves tend to form more meaningful and better relationships than the ones who aren’t fulfilled with themselves in the first place.
Self-love paves the way for a better and healthier relationship, not just with your partner but also with every other person in your life. Loving yourself doesn’t just make you more confident and happy, but with the formula of like attracts like, it also attracts people you’re more likely to spend your life with.
Understand what you really want
It’s quite easy to dive right into a relationship. But most of the time, we don’t give a thought to what we want from it. I’ve seen people breaking up after a short period of time because they want different things, and when they understand that their needs differ very much from each other, the time has already passed enough to hurt both of them at some level. A relationship is bound to fail if the other person wants it for a short term, and you’re thinking of making it work for a long time. So it’s always better to have a clear conscience about what you want from a relationship or if you’re even ready for a relationship in the first place.
Expectations are natural, but over-expectations aren’t
I never quite understood how the world tells us not to expect anything from anyone while knowing that expectations are what make relationships worthy of counting on the other person. What I didn’t realize was that there was always ‘too much’ for everything. I used to expect a lot from people, even from those I barely had more profound relationships with. And quite a lot of time, it used to backfire on me. I hardly tried to put myself in their shoes, and I think that was the ‘real’ problem behind all of it.
Let’s try to be a little pragmatic here. No one likes to walk with a shitload of expectations on their head. Think about it: Why would you want to be with someone who expects you to be the ‘perfect person’ that no one can ever be? Why would you wake up with someone who expects you to be a call away? I mean, we all have our own lives (unless you don’t), and we’re already pretty busy in fiddling and going through with it.
With that said, some expectations are necessary too. Like, if you won’t expect your friends to have your back, then what’s the point of that friendship? Or if you won’t expect your partner to love you for who you are, then they’re just going to take you for granted. There’s always a line that separates expectations and over-expectations from each other, and I think asking yourself whether you’re crossing that line is the best thing, not only for your partner but also for your relationship.
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Appreciating your differences is the key
Our differences are what make us unique. And the earlier you understand that, the easier it will be to accept your partner for who they are and how your differences are the key to a better relationship. We all know that no two people are the same in this world, so expecting your partner to like the same things or hate the same places won’t help you in building a better relationship.
In fact, if you look at it, those are the same differences ( Ah! Oxymoron again) that attracted you towards them in the first place, and maintaining those differences will keep the spark alive in your relationships. As long as there are differences, your mind will try to decipher your partner, and since it won’t be able to, the mystery will help to maintain the excitement for the relationship. So if your partner hates swimming or doesn’t like Taylor Swift (Who doesn’t, though? LOL), there’s no point brooding about it.
“Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.” – Oprah Winfrey
Intimacy is here to stay
If trust is the foundation of a relationship, intimacy keeps a relationship alive by adding different flavours to it. Everyone has a different level of sexual desires and enjoy different kind of activities in bed. Some might find handcuffs and tying up pretty sexy (which I certainly do 😉) while others might not. Understanding what your partner wants is not a big task, but it is certainly needed to spice up the relationship and to wipe out the compatibility issues you have in bed.
But intimacy isn’t just about sex. Holding hands and cuddling are some of the few things that come under intimacy, and they are as crucial as the blasting time you have in bed. Think of intimacy as the fuel to your relationship. If you want to go a long way, you need to keep adding the fuel. Talking to your partner and knowing what and how they like things to be done is an integral part of a better and healthier relationship.
So there you have it. This is a broad topic, and you can expect a lot more in the upcoming newsletters. Till then, why don’t you share it with your partner and Subscribe to this newsletter to read more about Self-Improvement and Relationships in a simplified way?