4 things I wish I knew earlier about self-love
They never told me this. And I'm glad I found them myself.
It was the month of October when I was last told that I was ‘too much.’ More than a year had passed since I was constantly chasing a girl whom I thought could make my life worth living for. Huh! Dearie me. I had taken a casket, threw my self-esteem and self-worth in it, and dumped it at least four feet below the ground. Anyone (and I mean anyone) was allowed to walk over it.
When I shared a tiny part of it on my poetry account, I got excellent advice from two people who were nothing more than strangers at that time and following me just because of my work. ‘Give it time,’ they said, ‘it gets better.’ To be honest, no matter how optimistic I was after hearing what they said, somewhere, there was a part of me that just couldn’t believe it. I had heard a lot of people talking about self-love, and it felt like the world was going crazy over it. But it didn’t quite fit in my head.
And then it happened. With the lockdown pouring in and Colleges being shut down, I flew to my home just like everyone else. Little did I know that home would turn out to be my safe haven. With that said, I also think that these things could’ve come handy if I was familiar with them before.
Rushing the process isn’t worth it
If I knew that it would come to me with a little pipe down the drain (I don’t know where I got that metaphor from), I’d have saved myself the trouble of lying in my bed late in the night with pangs in my stomach and Googling about it. Just like rushing into a new relationship after a bad breakup is not a good idea, rushing into self-love won’t get you far from where you’re today. And eventually, if it’s not done right, which I’m sure it won’t be if you rush the process, you’ll find yourself in the same place where you started from.
I know that the social media and all those ‘Life Gurus’ (chuckles) have sophisticated the trend further, but there isn’t any hack to get around it or to fasten the process.
Five months passed before I started seeing a little change in myself. Remember that it was five months for me, but it might be less or even more than that for you. There isn’t any specific parameter set to know whether you’re rushing yourself into the journey of self-love or not. But if you look happier on the outside while your insides are screaming, then I say that you need to lay back a little and be easy with the process.
Pissing people off is just a sign of embracing Self-love
Trust me when I say this: You’ll piss off a lot of people when you’re embracing self-love into your life. And you don’t have to give a dime about it. In fact, it’s better that way.
When you love yourself the way you deserve to be loved, people will come at your throat because you would value yourself more than you value others, which isn’t something they are accustomed to.
And eventually, you’ll lose those people, which is one of the most beautiful gifts that self-love comes with. It’s better to have one friend who supports your growth and sticks by you than to have hundreds of them who are just there to suck the soul out of you. Consider this: If your friends aren’t even supporting you when you’re accepting yourself, or when you’re going through the most essential phase of your life, then why would you even need them? If the self-love you’re developing pisses them off, then let them be pissed. You’re not here for them; you’re here for yourself.
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Taking advice doesn’t mean you have to follow it
This goes for every single thing out there. You can take a million advice, but let’s be honest, you’ll only end up listening to yourself. Take a career; for example, You can ask hundreds of experts in the field, but if you follow what they think is best for you, despite your heart opposing it, one day or the other, you’re going to get frustrated and throw all that shit aside.
It doesn’t mean that you don’t have to listen to others. Listen to them; take their advice because they will help you in being optimistic and having faith in your journey of self-love. But you also need to know that your heart will always go on its own path once you set the destination for it. Most people often take others’ advice and start comparing or doing the same things they did. But you have to know that if something worked for them, it doesn’t mean that it has to be the same way in your case.
The journey of self-love is not as hard as the world has made it look like.
I started focusing on myself by doing yoga and meditation, and since I had accepted that I needed to know about my worth and fill my world with nothing but self-love, my body gave me precisely what I needed. It was like my body already knew what I was looking for, and it just wanted me to find it.
Sometimes no progress is progress too
Let me be very frank. Not every day is going to come bearing flowers in its hands. Even more so, sometimes it’s just going to be you and the thorns that would make you feel like you didn’t do enough. I say, hold on to those days and don’t think for a single second that they won’t pass. Because you know they will. Those are the days that will test your patience, the moments that are fitted in the process to make you realize how far you’ve come from where you used to be. Being patient with yourself is the only thing that will keep you going. And if you can’t do that, then I’m afraid to say that you’re never going to achieve the self-love that you need to make this life worth living.
Self-love can’t be achieved in a single week. It’s a never-ending journey, one that starts with the courage to be better, to realize your worth, and to gain back your self-esteem.
And the most incredible part is that you don’t have to depend on someone else. You become whole just like you’re meant to be, and you get to see a side of yourself that you never knew existed. What more could you ask for?
So there you have it. It would mean a lot if you share it with someone who needs it just as much as you do.
Are you on a self-love journey or are planning to hop on the train? I would love to hear about it in the comments down below.